some words.

the passing of my mother yesterday, while not unexpected, is still a total shock. she was such a strong and stubborn woman who would not let the world stop her. she grew up in connecticut and traveled quite a bit with her family, she got to see all of the continental united states and some of canada. she married my father fairly young and started our family. we became a family with seven kids, and like most families, we were not perfect. but she raised us to the best of her ability, teaching us to be not to be easily let down. she gave us the ability to alway’s find something to smile about, no matter how bad things looked. she also instilled the talent, or burden, of catholic guilt.

something i found while packing up her house.

something i found while packing up her house.

the-family1

i am the youngest of the seven, and am still considered the baby at the age of 32. i was the last to leave the house, and was probably the closest with her. it was on my mother’s insistence that i leave connecticut and find my own path. after leaving i made sure to call her often, which was hard for both of us because of our mutual dislike of the phone. i have never regretted leaving, but as my mother’s health was failing over the last year pangs of guilt did grow. when she went into the hospital in november, i was thankful that i could go visit with her in december. i am so glad that i got to see her, and it was the first christmas that i spent with her in almost ten years. i was fortunate that for the majority of my visit she was conscious and aware, allowing us to have many conversations. it was only in the last week of my visit that the pain was getting too great for her to deal with, and she asked to be medicated until the pain went away. the medications made communication almost impossible, although she was always aware of our presence and could always crack a smile. she passed away peacefully at seven twenty in the morning.

i have many fond memories of my mother, and know that all the painful ones will disappear the quickest. i know that i will never stop missing or loving her.

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2 comments
  1. birgit said:

    Thank you so much for sharing, Joseph.
    I have not an easy relationship with my mother, so it’s very moving to read about your feelings and thoughts. How good you could spend so much time with her still!
    Hugs, Birgit

  2. Morgan said:

    It’s true, I can promise you that you will never stop missing her or loving her. You couldn’t if you tried. She is a part of you as much as your arm or your heart is a part of you. I still miss my mother, and especially my grandmother, and dream about them still, and it has been over twenty years.

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